"Silver Bells" is the Christmas Carol from the Exorcist

I stole that line from the great TJ Dawe, a Canadian monologist who described a Christmas acid experience where that song freaked him out.

My family's version of "Winter Wonderland" has always been sung "If he asks us we're married we'll say 'fuck you man' and chase his sorry ass right out of town."

"Said the night wind to the wiener dog... do you hear what I hear?"

Any other personal parodies that keep you sane?

"Santa Baby" is just a song about a prostitute who wants stuff.  Jesus would forgive her, but I won't.

OTOH, Bruce Cockburn does a miraculous "Joy to the World" on guitar that belongs in every collection.

•  Beethoven's Ninth "Ode to Joy"

  It's not Christmas music per se, but it works for me.

  by Quicklund on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:11:13 PM PDT

  •  Freude... freude...

    bonne Nacht, mein freund.

    by howth of murph on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:13:23 PM PDT

    •  Wern der grosse Wurf Gelungen

      eines Freundes Freund zu sein,
      wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
      mische seinen Jubel ein!

      (he who has had teh good fortune
      to find a true friend
      he who has won a loving wife
      let him come join our rejoicing!)

      (Sorry if it is a poor translation ... just re-typing.)

      by Quicklund on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 06:19:41 PM PDT

•  Flaming Lips

  Little Drummer Boy.

  by blueteam on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:18:03 PM PDT

•  When I first read your diary quickly

  I thought it said from the great TJ Dawe, a Canadian moosologist......

  by Norwegian Chef on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:20:50 PM PDT

  •  A moose bit my sister once...

    No! Really!

    She was carving her initials in it...

    by wrights on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:23:03 PM PDT

  •  I dunno ax him abt mooses

    They are terrible problem.

    

    by howth of murph on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:29:25 PM PDT

•  The first time I heard

  the version of "Winter Wonderland" off the Phil Spector album (don't know which girl group sang it--which is OK because neither does Phil), I thought they were singing, "We'll have lots of fun with Mister Snowman until the alligators knock him down." For years, I couldn't figure out why you would have alligators in the snow, since they're cold-blooded. Then I figured out it was "other kiddies," not "alligators."

  by Bob Quixote on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:21:31 PM PDT

  •  fuck phil spector

    phil shot my friend lana clarkson dead.  i hope he rots in jail.

    by skippy on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 09:36:58 PM PDT

•  I hate 1960s Xmas carols

  sung by the likes of Andy Williams. The lyrics are shopaholic sleaze, set to cheezy melodies. When I hear them in stores, and there is no escape from them, I feel like a crass materialist buying a lot of junk  nobody needs or wants. (Which of course is not true.) I especially hate "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year". This god-awful confection seems to torment me in every store and mall. It makes me hate Santa Claus, and imagine him to be a cannibalistic old SOB.

  It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year
  Only twelve shopping days to
  When Santa Claus slays you,
  And eats you my dear!
  It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year!

  It's the crap-crappiest season of all!
  You'll see Santa's knives slashing
  His metal teeth gnashing
  As he comes down your hall!
  It's the crap-crappiest season of all!

  There'll be plenty of screaming,
  And lots of blood streaming,
  Ans snow turning redder than red!
  As you run from old Claus,
  To escape from his jaws,
  And he grabs you and twists off your head!

  It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year
  So don't stop and shiver,
  Or he'll eat your liver
  Washed down with a beer!
  It's the Most Horrible Time of the Year!

  by revbludge on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:34:44 PM PDT

•  When my son was three, he said he hated carols.

  Especially that song about the "burning mule. I feel bad for the mule. Why do they burn a mule on Christmas, Mommy?"

  Burning mule? He explained..

  " 'See the burning mule before us...' "

  by Louise on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:39:49 PM PDT

  •  When my brother was little, he thought

    the intro verse of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" went like this:

    I just got back from a lovely trip
    Along the Milky Way
    I stopped off at the North Pole
    To spend a holiday
    I called on dear old Santa Claus
    To see what I could see
    He took me to his workshop
    And pulled his pants to me....

    by lurks a lot on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 07:15:17 AM PDT

•  but Catulli Carmina is actually more fun...

  Vos, quod milia multa basiorum legistis,
  male me marem putatis?
  Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.

  haa!

  Actually, you can't beat PDQBach for holiday spirit.
  "Throw the Yule Log on Uncle John!" etc....

  by dusty59 on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:40:29 PM PDT

  •  Yeah kids

    Have a problem with ritual sacrifice. Don't worry, mom, they outgrow it!

    by howth of murph on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:43:07 PM PDT

•  Garrison Keillor

  has some great stuff on his Christmas albums.  I've always been partial to

  "You've gotta shop
  for Christmas presents
  You've got to do it by yourself
  Nobody else
  Can do it for you
  You've got to shop for Christmas presents by yourself."

  by marykk on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:42:45 PM PDT

•  Later On

  we'll conspire
  While we dream by the fire.
  To face unafraid
  Our plans to get laid
  Walkin' in a winter wonderland.

  by IrGer on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 05:48:35 PM PDT

•  A Charlie Brown Christmas

  by the Vince Guaraldi Trio.

  The sound track recording.

  by Maine Atticus on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 06:43:38 PM PDT

  •  fer sure

    I love that tune Schroeder plays on that tiny piano. Someone once told me what it is, but I can't remember.  i got a 50 dollar itunes card fore xmas and want to download it. That would be great workout music.

    by arkylib on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:14:54 PM PDT

    •  i think you mean

      "Linus and Lucy" cause that's the tune most people remember.

      Here are some samples you can listen to and verify. (Note... these are from a different TV special, but the themes were used more than once.)

      A Boy Named Charlie Brown

      by uffdalib on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 10:48:53 PM PDT

      •  Christmas Time is Here

        It's not Christmas for me until I hear that.

        Having a sad Christmas this year because mom's in the hospital and very sick.  I heard James Taylor's Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and it moved me to tears.

        Most of my favorite Xmas music is sad:

        Do You Hear What I Hear
        God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen
        We Three Kings of Orient Are (an Epiphany song for you liturgy rats)
        What Child is This (Greensleeves)
        O Holy Night
        In the Bleak Midwinter (gosh, I really need help)

        Does anyone here know an obscure French Xmas carol called "Bring a torch, Jeannette Isabella?"  I remember singing that in elementary school (back when you were allowed to sing Xmas carols in public schools--God I feel old today)

        by TrueBlueMajority on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 08:17:19 AM PDT

•  Sounding like a Rabbi in a Seattle Airport

  Can we add Hanukah and Kwanza songs to the list?
  The BeetNiks do some killer Hanukah tunes and shouldnt be left out of any "Holiday Music List."

  by JackAshe on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:11:11 PM PDT

•  I want a crazy Masala Christmas!

  

  by howth of murph on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:12:09 PM PDT

  •  Sung to the Tune of Here Comes Santa Claus by me

    Here Comes Ramadan
    Here COmes Ramadan
    You cant eat during the day
    Fish and CHicken
    IS what youre missing
    During Holy Days
    You are Moslem, I am Christian and we are still friends
    And it is that time of year when
    Ramadan comes again
    My Moslem friends fall out when I sing it to them during this time of year
    I hate to leave them out
    So Belated Happy Ramadan Everyone!

    by JackAshe on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:15:43 PM PDT

•  Some Christmas song trivia for you

  According to Wikipedia and several other sites, O Holy Night is one lefty song.

  It was written by some French guys back in the mid-1800s.  The guy who wrote the lyrics was a progressive (for his time) Christian preist or pastor of some sort, who eventually got in trouble with the French Catholic Church for socialist political views.  The guy who wrote the music was Jewish, and also had socialist leanings. The original lyrics were in French; the English translation was made my an American Unitarian minister and abolitionist, who did a "loose" translation of a few line to add an anti-slavery message ("for the slave he is your brother...").  The song was criticized by the French church, and actually banned from being performed in the church, despite its popularity with the public, due to the liberal leanings of its creators, and the fact that one was a Jew.

  So...should you ever encounter a right-winger saying something positive about that song, feel free to inform them of its French, multi-religious, socialist, abolitinist, populsit, left-wing history.

  by ChaosMouse on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:14:14 PM PDT

  •  lol

    "So...should you ever encounter a right-winger saying something positive about that song, feel free to inform them of its French, multi-religious, socialist, abolitinist, populsit, left-wing history."

    and then watch his/her head implode

    by arkylib on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:17:24 PM PDT

•  Just like "O Tannenbaum"

  Was a worker's song, "The People's Flag" as piped by Billy Bragg and the Clancy Bros.

  by howth of murph on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 07:24:57 PM PDT

•  skippy has tons

  tons of xmas parodies at skippy (see saturday, dec. 23), but this one is the best: sonny and cher singing we got fruitcake (press the "play" arrow").

  .

  .

  by skippy on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 09:40:53 PM PDT

•  My old SCA household...

  has a version of "Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella" which is about Central Asian raiders sacking a village.

  As warped goes, that's pretty warped....

  And then there's "A Slaying Song," too.

  by ogre on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 11:37:25 PM PDT

•  How could we forget Tom Lehrer?

  His Christmas Carol... with his lead-in.

  One very familiar type of song is the Christmas carol, although it is perhaps a bit out of season at this time. However, I am informed by my disk jockey friends, of whom I have none, that in order to get a song popular by Christmas time you have to start plugging it well in advance, so here it goes. It's always seemed to me, after all, that Christmas, with its spirit of giving, offers us all a wonderful opportunity each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and deeply believe in - I refer, of course, to money. And yet, none of the Christmas carols that you hear on the radio, or in the street, even attempts to capture the true spirit of Christmas as we celebrate it in the United States, that is to say the commercial spirit. So I should like to offer the following Christmas carol for next year as being perhaps a bit more appropriate.

  Christmas time is here, by golly,
  Disapproval would be folly.
  Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
  Fill the cup and don't say when.

  Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
  Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
  Even though the prospect sickens,
  Brother, here we go again.

  On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
  Your fellow man you must adore.
  There's time to rob him all the more
  The other three hundred and sixty-four.

  Relations, sparing no expense, 'll
  Send some useless old utensil,
  Or a matching pen and pencil.
  ("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

  It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
  Nor how heart felt the spirit,
  Sentiment will not endear it,
  What's important is the price.

  Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
  Advertising wondrous things.
  God rest ye merry merchants,
  May ye make the Yuletide pay.
  Angels we have heard on high,
  Tell us to go out and buy!

  So, let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
  Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
  Driving his reindeer across the sky.
  Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

  Actually, I did rather well myself this past Christmas. The nicest present I received was a gift certificate good at any hospital for a lobotomy... rather thoughtful.

  by ogre on Sun Dec 24, 2006 at 11:43:25 PM PDT

•  Reason for the Season by Stryper!!! NOT!

  by Intercaust on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 12:32:15 AM PDT

•  I hate to break this to you,

  but the song from the Exorcist isn't "Silver Bells".  "Silver Bells", the Christmas song, was written by Ray Evans and Jay Livingston, and was written for a movie musical.

  The song from the exorcist is "Tubular Bells", written by Mike Oldfield.  It's a modern day symphonic piece.

  Both cool, both different.

  And you didn't have my favorite Christmas song listed, so I'll tell you what it is.  It's "I'll be Home for Christmas".  It's from the same era as "Silver Bells", and it's kind of wistful and sad.  It always makes me think of WWII, and all of the GI's fighting the Battle of the Bulge, so far away from home.  It's kind of appropriate right now, considering what's going on in Iraq....

  by Got a Grip on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 01:02:46 AM PDT

  •  Thanks

    I remembered the song as 'Tubular Bells', too - then thought, maybe there was a remake of the original film with Dakota Fanning in place of Linda Blair, and "Silver" instead of "Tubular" bells in the theme song.

    by g panjandrum on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 01:32:30 AM PDT

    •  Okay, but what's

      that minor key, spooky Xmas bells tune

      that goes kinda

      ding go the bells
      ring go the bells
      ding dingy-ding
      Christmas is here

      with a dark, descending DING-DONG DING-DONG as a harmonic theme.

      Mr. Mackey on South Park did it, ending the lines with "mm'kay"...

      Oldfield's "Tubular Bells" is a different piece.

      by howth of murph on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 07:49:41 AM PDT

      •  it's called Carol of the Bells n/t

        by TrueBlueMajority on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 08:17:47 AM PDT

        •  thank you

          sorry to sow confusion.  Most people know "Silver Bells" as the gentle "Christmas time in the city..." one.

          by howth of murph on Tue Dec 26, 2006 at 01:44:35 PM PDT

      •  and I think I hallucinated

        hearing a Christmas version of that song many many years ago because I have never run across anyone who remembers anything other than the secular version of Carol of the Bells.  Maybe the magic of the internet combined with the magic of Christmas can help out here?  Anyone ever heard Carol of the Bells sung like this?  this is all I remember:

        Ring Christmas bells
        Merrily ring
        Tell all the world
        Jesus is King

        Loudly proclaim
        with one accord
        your happy tale
        welcome the Lord

        ring Christmas bells
        ring far and near
        tell all the earth
        Jesus is here.

        by TrueBlueMajority on Mon Dec 25, 2006 at 08:20:40 AM PDT